rachel: UpCloseAndPersonal

just a thought..

2006-01-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

"My territory has been been invaded... now im too weak to fight.."

when the magic is gone...

2006-01-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

Three months ago, I was singing with so much joy for a "friend" who recently came into my life.. no, we were not an official couple nor is he courting me.. it’s a friendship who has a potential of blossoming into something special ( I assume).. it was really a nice feeling, having someone who cares for you, who texts you everyday saying goodmoring and good evening, who complements you stating as if you are the most special and beautiful person, who listens to your rants and raves, who pays an extra special attention unto you, whose never ashamed to admit that he misses you.. but here’s the catch.. youre just friends..

Don’t misinterpret, we were not the typical "friends acting lovers", we were in the stage called "getting to know each other…" but then again, time flies, things changes, nothing remains constant.. and one day "the magic was gone.."
Texts were rarely received, phonecalls were gone, conversations getting dry, sweetness rarely shown..

I thought that what we have could last until the time comes that we are both ready to reconsider our friendship and take it to another level… but then that just didn’t happen..
I don’t really know how I should feel. I admit I am not ready to be in a relationship. I am not still ready to accept his faults and his weaknesses for the same reason that I, myself cannot accept my own inconsistencies. There’s a part of me who misses him badly, or is it his attention that he has showered me? And the other part of me saying that everything will turn out fine…

Only God can tell whether what will happen… HE is the author of my life…
One thing is for sure, on God’s right time, my GOD’S gift shall come.. when I am ready to give and share my love without fearing to get hurt and when I am ready to accept his whole being—including his faults and weaknesses. ..

But as of today…
"Maybe, the magic is really gone…"

something ive learned..

2006-01-03T21:04:00.000+08:00

12.01.05

Loneliness
These past few days, for some unknown reason, loneliness seems to engulf me. I don’t like the feeling of getting lonesome for having no reason at all. It did bother me. It is not the "common lonely" feeling that I feel, maybe I can associate it with.. depression?
But then, thank Jesus Christ that HE loves me, that HE made me listen to a preaching which is very well suited to my emotional status. Loneliness. This is not uncommon to us, people. Everyone feels it, and everyone has a way to cure it, or I might say bury it? Everyone has his or her way just to be free from this burden. But GOD has not made man to feel lonely or depressed or feel forsaken. Loneliness occurs when we forgot to trust the Lord, who knows the deepest longing of our hearts, it is also when we forgot to be grateful for all the things that we have right now—the blessings and not-the-seems-blessings that we have. With this, I thank GOD for an eye opener… and to magnify my blessings and totally extinguished my loneliness, I decided to reiterate the blessings that God continues to shower me (and those that he have given me)
I am alive ( Knowing that you are alive is enough to be happy)
I am in good (if not perfect) health
I have my loving, supportive and complete family
I am normal—I can see, hear,taste, etc
I have a home and a house
I eat three times a day or more than that at times!=)
I have loving friends—HS and college who are always there
I am studying,in a good school and in my chosen course
I can read and write
I can taste sweet, sour, bitter and salty
I can sleep soundly at night
I have loving relatives
My daily needs are being answered
I know how to drive, to wash clothes, to iron, to cook
I am still able to breath oxygen despite how polluted metro manila is
I have ridden MRT. LRT, and LRT purple line
I have good childhood memories and memories!
I have internet access at home, no hassle going to comp shops
SMB is near at my house, I can go malling anytime
My family is healthy
My friends are healthy
I have hope!!!=)
And Jesus Christ has saved me and promised to be with me..
There are so many blessing that I have.. made me realized that LIFE is Beautiful.. especially with Jesus with me all the way.. +)

10.17.05

2006-01-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

"inspired"

I don’t know how it happened
I’m not sure how it begun
I guess knowing you’re there beside me
Makes life happier… better and sweeter..
…all I know is..
there’s enough reason for me to smile

feeling blue

2006-01-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

September 05, 2005

… I wish I could be the one/the one who could give you love/the kind of love you really need/wish I could say to you that ill always stay with you/but baby that’s not me….. im not the one you needed, goodbye..

… I think that this is my song for today. I have realized that I have learned to care for someone not realizing that he could never look at me the same way as I look at him..
In short? Were looking at two different directions. I was looking for the possibility of love while he is looking for the possibility of a good friendship with me. Nothing hurts more than caring for a person who can never care the same…
I guess it was my fault. I have let him entered my world… I have let my heart took over my reasons, now I am too weak to fight these feelings away.. I have promised myself that Love will never knock at my door at this point of my life.. but like a thief in the night, it just comes unexpectedly.. now.. I am falling… I have let myself fell for a person whom I’m not sure, will catch me..
I tried to ran away, but he seems to sweep me off my feet! And I just couldn’t help but fall for those sweet smiles.. ( aggh..)
I hate these feeling of envy, knowing too well that I have no right at all.. I tried not to look at him.. but then one sweet smile from him, one sweet word and one small act of kind gesture.. then again I’d fall..
I tried to look at his imperfections, but alas! Its too late because even imperfections looks so beautiful when you have fallen..
I guess that Love will find its way, ( im not sure if this is love.. but I haven’t felt this way for a long time.. ) I was not expecting to fall for this person.. but then again I fell..
I hope this insanity will fade asap..
Yeah, I tried to keep in mind… "im just a friend…and that hurts me."
… Pag ibig.. kumakatok ka nanaman… *sighs* sighs*
But then again.. im positive that my sanity will be back soon.. as it always do.. =)

For some reasons, even I feel pain despite this new and overwhelming emotion, I thank God that he’s always there for me..
For weeks, I have been happy because of my so called "lovelife" but then the fact that NOTHING is PERMANENT struck me…
Whats beautiful is that GOD is always there and will always be there..
It always begins and ends up with GOD…
It pained me to know the fact that the one I care for, doesn’t care the same.. but that was an eye-opener for me to SEE that GOD cares for me and will always care for me.. HE will always Love me despite my imperfections…
I may have a broken heart.. but at least I have my Jesus Christ beside me.. with that, I am thankful…
.. in God’s right time, I have faith that everything will fall into their proper places.."
.. Thank you Lord…

09-05-2005

2005-12-01T19:54:00.000+08:00

… I wish I could be the one/the one who could give you love/the kind of love you really need/wish I could say to you that ill always stay with you/but baby that’s not me….. im not the one you needed, goodbye..

I guess it was my fault. I have let him entered my world… I have let my heart took over my reasons, now I am too weak to fight these feelings away.. I have promised myself that Love will never knock at my door at this point of my life.. but like a thief in the night, it just comes unexpectedly.. now.. I am falling… I have let myself fell for a person whom I’m not sure, will catch me..

I tried to ran away, but he seems to sweep me off my feet! And I just couldn’t help but fall for those sweet smiles.. ( aggh..)
I hate these feeling of envy, knowing too well that I have no right at all.. I tried not to look at him.. but then one sweet smile from him, one sweet word and one small act of kind gesture.. then again I’d fall..

I tried to look at his imperfections, but alas! Its too late because even imperfections looks so beautiful when you have fallen..
I guess that Love will find its way, ( im not sure if this is love.. but I haven’t felt this way for a long time.. ) I was not expecting to fall for this person.. but then again I fell..
I hope this insanity will fade asap..
Yeah, I tried to keep in mind… "im just a friend…and that hurts me."
… Pag ibig.. kumakatok ka nanaman… *sighs* sighs*

But then again.. im positive that my sanity will be back soon.. as it always do.. =)

For some reasons, even I feel pain despite this new and overwhelming emotion, I thank God that he’s always there for me..
For weeks, I have been happy because of my so called "lovelife" but then the fact that NOTHING is PERMANENT struck me…
Whats beautiful is that GOD is always there and will always be there..
It always begins and ends up with GOD…
It pained me to know the fact that the one I care for, doesn’t care the same.. but that was an eye-opener for me to SEE that GOD cares for me and will always care for me.. HE will always Love me despite my imperfections…
I may have a broken heart.. but at least I have my Jesus Christ beside me.. with that, I am thankful…
.. in God’s right time, I have faith that everything will fall into their proper places.."
.. Thank you Lord…

09.05.05 entry: a realization

2005-10-17T19:52:00.000+08:00

… I think that this is my song for today. I have realized that I have learned to care for someone not realizing that he could never look at me the same way as I look at him..
In short? Were looking at two different directions. I was looking for the possibility of love while he is looking for the possibility of a good friendship with me. Nothing hurts more than caring for a person who can never care the same…
I guess it was my fault. I have let him entered my world… I have let my heart took over my reasons, now I am too weak to fight these feelings away.. I have promised myself that Love will never knock at my door at this point of my life.. but like a thief in the night, it just comes unexpectedly.. now.. I am falling… I have let myself fell for a person whom I’m not sure, will catch me..
I tried to ran away, but he seems to sweep me off my feet! And I just couldn’t help but fall for those sweet smiles.. ( aggh..)
I hate these feeling of envy, knowing too well that I have no right at all.. I tried not to look at him.. but then one sweet smile from him, one sweet word and one small act of kind gesture.. then again I’d fall..
I tried to look at his imperfections, but alas! Its too late because even imperfections looks so beautiful when you have fallen..
I guess that Love will find its way, ( im not sure if this is love.. but I haven’t felt this way for a long time.. ) I was not expecting to fall for this person.. but then again I fell..
I hope this insanity will fade asap..
Yeah, I tried to keep in mind… "im just a friend…and that hurts me."
… Pag ibig.. kumakatok ka nanaman… *sighs* sighs*
But then again.. im positive that my sanity will be back soon.. as it always do.. =)

For some reasons, even I feel pain despite this new and overwhelming emotion, I thank God that he’s always there for me..
For weeks, I have been happy because of my so called "lovelife" but then the fact that NOTHING is PERMANENT struck me…
Whats beautiful is that GOD is always there and will always be there..
It always begins and ends up with GOD…
It pained me to know the fact that the one I care for, doesn’t care the same.. but that was an eye-opener for me to SEE that GOD cares for me and will always care for me.. HE will always Love me despite my imperfections…
I may have a broken heart.. but at least I have my Jesus Christ beside me.. with that, I am thankful…
.. in God’s right time, I have faith that everything will fall into their proper places.."
.. Thank you Lord…

sa wakas..

2005-08-29T15:11:00.000+08:00

at last, im done editing my blog..it was tiring..yet i enjoyed thinking and analyzing..

bakit nga ba ako nag eenglish? tagalog titile ng entry na to..

anyways, i realized that time heals everything. time makes you realize things youve never seen in a different perspective before. i then realized its better to wait than act impulsively..

..coz in time, everything will turn out fine..

of course..it must be in God's perfect time..

Recently, i realized how blessed I am.. and i think that with that I should do good in school for me to be able to do my purpose...

i was devestated to know that aside from the philippine's poor health facility, education is also a problem..

out of 45 countries, we are ranking 43rd in science! and in 25 countries, we are 21st..in mathematics.. imagine that!

in an ambush interview with the public, filipinos doesnt know the capital of their own country!

it saddens me, and i am truly affected.. i hope that someday, i can make a big difference... but I realized that this is not possible without Gid's grace and guidance...

may HE used me powerfullyy for his greater glory... to help humanity.. especuially my beloved filipino people...

despite the status of the philippines, i still and do love our country.

I believe in our capabilities.

I believe we are given special talents by GOD.

I still believe that we have high morals.

I still believe that we value honesty, justice and family.

I still believe that we are the Pearl of the South east and a country of smiles.

I believe and hope for the best.

I have faith that GOD has his special plans for this country.

I just hope that Filipinos will realize this. Soon.

another catch, many people say that i am good in giving advices.. it turns out that i recently realized that its my God's gift. For many years, i was looking for that "special capability" that God gas bestowed upon me.. and i couldn't really seem to find it.. but then.. poof! i woke up one morning to find out it was my "counselling.." I am hoping that I am giving advices not by my own wisdom, but God's wisdom. Honestly, at times I say things that I myself, is not aware of. I am learning and teaching at the same time! Indeed, I am blessed to have this..
If youre looking for that "special talent", dont look that far, open your eyes coz all this time, it is in-front of you, waiting to be realized and appreciated..

Share God's gift..=)

why stop something that makes you happy?...

2005-08-17T18:56:00.000+08:00

at last! after months of hibernating.. im back!!!! its been a long time since my last entry, and honestly i dont want to update my blog anymore.. but then a friend of mine always tells me that he believes in my writing capabilities and i appreciate his boosts.. and i myself, has realized that writing is my passion.. i have been doing this since i was little.. and i find great joy in writing.. =)

..and that made me realize.."why stop something that makes you happy?..."

an eye opener

2005-04-10T12:52:00.000+08:00

~IN CHRIST ALONE~

In CHrist alone
I place my trust
And find my glory
In the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of Hope

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory
In the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strenth
My source of Hope
Is Christ alone

My source of strength
My source of Hope
Is Christ alone
In Christ alone

I really liked this song, but recently this song became the song of my life. Recently, I just encountered a situation that changed my life forever.

Now, I can really say that "I am nothing without Christ who strengthens me.." He is my fortress.. my shepherd.. my redeemer.... The Holy Spirit is my comforter. I'll leave everything just to have him with me.. =)

In the past, I cling to people rather than trust GOD. I was doubtful. I was afraid. But Thank God that I am free from all of these bondages..

I am in faith. I am now bold.

Come to think of it, many people are afraid.. afraid of so many things...

why?

Because the are in doubt. In doubt that there is a supreme being up there who looks out for them. Who guides them and can protect them...

How did I know these things?

Because I experienced it... Until GOD finally let me see things in a diffrent perspective. We should not fear, coz like the bible says.. "God does not gives us the spirit of fear, but the spirit of power and authority.."

Doubt produces Fear. Fear hinders us from doing wonders that GOD has planned for us.

How can we conquer fear?

We can conquer fear by praying to the Holy Spirit to come to us, to fill us by his power and glory. Just ask, do not beg.. Just surrender and before you'll know it, He will come to you.. Just he did to me.. =)

Godbless us all =)

..moon river...

2005-04-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

Moon river wider than a mile
Im crossing you in style someday
You dream maker, you heartbreaker
Wherever youre going Im going your way
Two drifters off to see the world
Theres such a lot of world to see
Were after the same rainbows end
Waiting round the band
My huckleberry friend, moon river
And me

~sighs..~ Currently, I am listening to the instrumental music of ..moon river.. . I really liked this song especially during my "Lovers in Paris days".. I am a self confessed "hopeless romantic".. It isnt bad about being one, right?.. Thanks to the movie Shall we dance that I have discovered the title of this mysterious song...=)

It is so good to feel this feeling right now..hopeful that someday, my prince will come and sweep me off my feet.. (sighs..)

Once in a while, I liked to listen to these kind of songs..especially late at night.. It seems that I have all the time to imagine and feel in love even without having a true person to love.. I dont know, it just gives me a refreshing feeling and a positive outlook about falling in love..

... i think I'll have good dreams tonight.. Thank You Lord..=)

Single by Natasha Bedingfield =)

2005-04-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

Ah yeah that's right All you single people out there This is for you Yeah I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me (Cos I'm happy where I am) Don't depend on a guy to validate me (No no) I don't need to be anyone's baby (Is that so hard to understand?) No I don't need another half to make me whole Make your move if you want Doesn't mean I will or won't I'm free to make my mind up You either got it or you don't [Chorus:] This is my current single status My declaration of independence There's no way I'm tradin' places Right now a star's in the ascendant I'm single (Right now) That's how I wanna be I'm single (Right now) That's how I wanna be Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good (I like who I am) I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should (Can't romance on demand) I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood [Repeat Chorus] Everything in it's right time everything in its right place I know I'll settle down one day But 'til then I like it this way, it's my way Eh I like it this way Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't 'Til then I'm single This is my current single status My declaration of independence There's no way I'm tradin' places Right now a star's in the ascendant

for the first time =)

2005-04-05T14:55:00.000+08:00

at last, im finished formatting my blog.. for a long time ive been dreaming of having one. i believed that theres always a writer in me just waiting to be set free..

keep posted for my future entries.. godbless. =)